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9.3.09

Am I Akhoya's keeper ?

Gosh am so hungry, didn't have lunch today...Shall I go outside? ...All alone. ...Yup cool. Need to think about couple of things as well. Let's go then. ......And thus I arrived at the hotel that I frequently visit when am tired of mess food or just want to be alone while eating... Hmm so now the story begins..I travel all the stairs upto second floor and take a seat meant for 4. Rest all tables are nearly packed... And a guy, no a kid is directed to sit with me as he too is all alone. Age - 14-15 years. Will call him "Akhoya". Thats a good name, a weird name.... Well what the heck, am here just to note my thoughts/events/incidents during those 45 odd minutes. ...Hope, reader will be able to make some sense outta it. So here it goes all in the sequence that it occured/ appeared -


1. Should I tell the waiter to shift Akhoya some table(place) else?
2. No wait. why? Is it because he is poor?
3. Is he? Ya I guess...the clothes are a bit shabby and certainly the crevices between the fingers stand testimony not of work but of labour. Child labour? God knows
4. Why the heck I don't want to dine with this guy?
5. I thought this hotel was supposed to be "good". Well you cant say NO to anybody who can pay for the service.
6. Geeks... why I dont want to dine with Akhoya.
### Orders taken. Akhoya orders biryani.###
7. Biryani..hmm good choice...low on pocket and wholesome in rice, so gives u stuffed feeling... wait...Is choice the correct word here?
8. Should I talk to him? Why? Let's know him...just plain curiosity....Would he find it condescending? Is that my intention?
9. Man he is staring at me trying to gauge what I am thinking about him. Clearly, he is uncomfortable.
10. But why should he be? He gonna pay for sure, the same way i would. Then why is he uncomfortable
11. Oh I have had lot many stares at him. ...Cool ...lets ignore him...he will feel comfortable then
###I play with my mobile.###
12. Hmm...good sms from dad. . . Is he thinking I am doing a show off? Naah he is too busy with his own discomfort or waiting for biryani to think about these. 
13. Ok cool...will not stare at him any longer...let him enjoy...should I talk?
### A menacing person arrives and stares at me for 5 long extra seconds than what is normal###
14. Why is he staring at me like this? Maybe he is tired....Oh no wait.... Davinci code decoded !!!
###He is followed by his wife who is disproportionately beautiful for this to be a "made for each other" couple###
15. Now i know...Poor chap...on the wrong side of voyeurism...so prevalent that people have forgotten it to be an indecent act... Might become an involuntary trait in humans after couple of years...
16. I pity you man !!! But dont worry, am not going to indulge into that...am already overloaded with thoughts...
17. And dude rather than staring at me, you better save that look for the waiter who is being extra helpful to your "definitely better half"
18. I can safely say that it was only me and my diner mate who were harmless audience for the poor chap.... Rest were not audiences, they were spectators !!!
19. No man Akhoya is too young to indulge into such profanities... I am the only good one out here.... Yes that thought feels good.
20. Oh shit, Akhoya caught me staring at him while he was relishing biryani... My eyes have become involuntarily attached to Akhoya.
21. Am sorry, mate...that was unintentional...Should I talk to him?
22. My food arrives...Is Akhoya staring at me/my food?...Alright I cant escape from my thoughts...let me think about it
23. Is poverty BAD? No way man, most of the prophets were poor and so were great man/ philosphers...etc.. Then what is my problem with this kid?
24. What if there would have been that lady in his place?...Should I talk to him?
25. Yes I think it is this feeling of discomfort, this lack of self respect, this inferiority complex that it brings alongwith it...That's what makes poverty bad...
26. hmm..... should I talk to him as now we both are same...hungry people relishing their food...no difference...
27. That damn waiter is still ogling at the lady. Oh they have changed seats now...Uncle is as much uncomfortable in this setting as Akhoya, albeit for different reasons !!!
28. Alright he has finished his food...wow cleaned his plate... I will, too...Today will not leave any food on the plate and never after hence forth...wait, this 'henceforth waala' promise is the 14th time I have promised the same thing to myself...well not 14th but umpteenth time for sure.
29. Am done too with this dish and no leftovers... but am hungry for more...maybe I will try kebabs with 7 up...yes the mental imagery of it(kebabs and 7 up) looks sheer good
30. Wait...let this chap/kid leave and then I will order... Why? God knows
31. Alright waiter is pushing for it....i order and Akhoya looks at me...No idea what he is thinking...
32. I notice that the waiter's action(manners) while serving the finger bowl to me and Akhoya is different. The hands move a tad more violently on Akhoya's side...Violent enough to cross the borders of decency for the one who is observant...
33. Oh man....that was rude...the way he put his "bill to pay". I would definitely have objected had the same manner been dished out to me...atleast would have given him a hard glance for sure... Akhoya, does not notice, I guess. No rather, I hope.
34. Funnily, even if there are no institutional structures in place, power-plays still happen.. here because of the quality of clothes or manners or the rich look. 
34. My 7 up arrives. Akhoya has paid his bill...Looks at my 7 up. then immediately looks somewhere else. Should I offer him one? Should I talk with him? I love Akhoya...Well do I?...Whatever, I want to teach the waiter a lesson
35. I call him and ask what happened to my order... he doesn't catch it in one go. He asks kya saab? I repeat. He mumbles something that I cant catch... And I pounce upon the chance and say, "zor se bolo ya koi aur bhasha main bol rahe ho". My tone is that of disgust and mild disdain. The waiter just smiles and says "Sir, sirf 2 minute main ho jaayega". 
36. I feel good although I know that "2 min" has never equalled 120 seconds...But what the heck Akhoya must be feeling better now? My God !! When did he leave? Perhaps, he whisked away too fast for anybody to notice...Am sure thats the way he would have wanted....hmm
37. Yaar, I wanted to talked to him...that's true....I would have talked to him....that's BS !!! haha... lolz.... O Akhoya ! God bless you and me..!!!
38. The waiter brings me my kebabs...and says earnestly "Sir sorry late ho gya tha". I am struck once again. I lose once again. But wait, what did I lose?... Everything.
39. I immerse myself on kebas and 7 up... Pay the bill, use finger bowl and the tap just to be very clean with my fingers.
40. While am leaving, I notice I left one kebab on a plate...Shit...Should I take it? What would the waiter think about it? No forget it, I am full. Ya that sounds good. I am full. 

Afterthought -  I see my fingers once again. They are clean !!!

3.3.09

Standing outside the fire !!!

We call them cool 
Those hearts that have no scars to show 
The ones that never do let go 
And risk the tables being turned 

We call them fools 
Who have to dance within the flame 
Who chance the sorrow and the shame 
That always comes with getting burned 

But you've got to be tough when consumed by desire 
'Cause it's not enough just to stand outside the fire 

We call them strong 
Those who can face this world alone 
Who seem to get by on their own 
Those who will never take the fall 

We call them weak 
Who are unable to resist 
The slightest chance love might exist 
And for that forsake it all 

They're so hell-bent on giving ,walking a wire 
Convinced it's not living if you stand outside the fire 

There's this love that is burning 
Deep in my soul 
Constantly yearning to get out of control 
Wanting to fly higher and higher 
I can't abide 
Standing outside the fire 

Standing outside the fire 
Standing outside the fire 
Life is not tried, it is merely survived !!!
If you're standing outside the fire !!!

2.3.09

The Impossible Dream !!!

To dream the IMPOSSIBLE DREAM
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go

To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure & chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest 
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far

To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into hell
For that heavenly cause

I know If I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
My heart will lie peaceful & calm
When I'm laid to my rest

The world will be better for this
That one man, scorned & covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star

I'll always dream...
The IMPOSSIBBLE DREAM
Yes, I'll reach...
The UNREACHABLE STAR...!!!